New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
