I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
