feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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