he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
