he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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