Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
