Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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