there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were destined to go to rehab together
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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