i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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