you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
