I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
