tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
