thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
