Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
