just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
