I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
