i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
