wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
