I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
