Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
