Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
