Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
