i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
