a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
