i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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