The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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