Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
