this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
