In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
