Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
