He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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