I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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