She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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