I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
