and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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