i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
