Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
