Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
