He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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