Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
that is very illegal...i love you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
