Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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