bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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