they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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