I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
