It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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