somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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