she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
