I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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