You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
