I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Randomize
