Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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