went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
operation have a gay friend backfired
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
