I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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