these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
