Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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