I cockslap morals
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
